How Beige Are You?

Take our exciting new How Beige Are You quiz to find out exactly how beige your life is!

1.When you think of Gandhi, you think of:
a. Peanuts
b. Beautiful women
c. Meditation
d. Tax

2.You often get upset because
a. Klingons keep attacking your ship.
b. You can't find that packet of crisps you could swear you had in the cupboard
c. Your washing machine doesn't efficiently wash colours
d. Your local council won't ban personal features on your beautifully terraced street
e. You haven't got enough time to take all the beautiful women you see out to dinner, then seduce them

3.Rabbits are
a. Rapid breeders
b. Delicious
c. A nuisance in areas like Australia
d. Cute and fluffy

4.If a tree falls in the woods and there is no-one around to hear it, does it make a sound?
a. Yes
b. No
c. Orange trees don't
d. I don't know. I don't care. Leave me alone

5.If you were stranded on a desert island, the one thing you would take with you would be
a. An axe
b. A hot chick
c. Dostoyevski's Brothers Karamazov — it would be a great chance to finally read it
d. Ice cream

6.Your favourite thing to do is
a. Spaghetti Bolognese
b. Rip off your shirt, have a rollicking fist fight with your current nemesis, then make sweet love to a foxy lady
c. Listen to live music
d. Have an interesting discussion with like-minded people at a civilised dinner party

7.I say 'slab.' You say
a. Chocolate
b. Speak no more to me in this strange alien tongue — let's make love
c. Granite bench top
d. Mortuary

8.Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet...
a. Doopty-doopty-doo
b. And incredibly high GI
c. Poetry again, Spock?
d. I could really go some sugar right now

9.Your favourite cocktail is
a. Sex on the beach. Then some Romulan ale
b. They won't let me drink any more
c. That one with all the fruit in it
d. A diet gin and tonic

10.If you were an animal, you would be
a. Roast chicken
b. A fwuffy wittle bunny wabbit
c. I am an animal. Human beings are animals, stupid
d. Like a tiger... grr!

11.Your choice of soothing music would be
a. Enya
b. Strauss
c. Barry White
d. The microwave bell going off
y. Barney the Dinosaur

Now add up your score:
1: a=1, b=2, c=3, d=5
2: a=2, b=1, c=3, d=5, e=2
3: a=2, b=1, c=5, d=3
4: a=2, b=5, c=3 d=1
5: a=5, b=2, c=3, d=1
6: a=1, b=2, c=3, d=5
7: a=1, b=2, c=3, d=5
8: a=3, b=5, c=2, d=1
9: a=2, b=3, c=1, d=5
10: a=1, b=5, c=3, d=2
11: a=5, b=3, c=2, d=1, y=x

What Your Scores Mean
11-21: You're hungry. Go eat something.
22-32: You're Captain James T. Kirk. If you are not Captain James T. Kirk, think about getting some therapy — subconsciously, you think you're Captain James T. Kirk.
33-40: You're fairly beige, and in danger of becoming beiger. Don't worry, this can still be treated: go outside, right now, and yell 'Bananas!' at the top of your voice. Just once. This will add just enough crazy to your life to bring you back from the edge.
If you find yourself watching/listening to more than one hour of news each day, you could become very Beige, particularly if it's CNN. If yourself thinking that a cardigan might be a good look on you, please, for the sake of others, go and enrol in clown school.
44+: You're beige. Sorry. Not much can be done. To make up for it, you should sponsor the arts. Handily, you can do so here.

If your answers were cab-dab-dabby, congratulations: you've figured out the surprise answer. Unfortunately, your answers also indicate you're insane. Go see a doctor.

Ay and Bee can be contacted at ayandbee@hclarecallow.com

This site was psychologically accurate on 22/05/09